Noah Puckerman Vs Mr Mistoffelees
by Lil Drop Of Magic
Summary: Cats are evil. It's just fact. But Puck is pretty sure that Rachel Berry's cat? Is actually Satan. Set post Ep113, pre 114. T for language
1. Prologue

Disclaimer: I do not own the 'Glee' world.

So, things are a bit busy for me at the moment and I'm missing my Glee-fanfic high. This was already written so I thought I'd publish the first bit for you.

This is set post Episode 113 but before 114. So it's not compatible with the back nine.

It's kind of a weird plot, but the idea came to me just as I was getting into bed and I couldn't not write it…

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**Noah Puckerman Vs Mr. Mistoffelees**

**Prologue**

Noah Puckerman had always thought that cats were evil. In all the cartoons and movies he'd watched as a kid, the dogs or mice had been good and the cats had always been fucking evil little bastards.

As far as he could tell it was true in real life too.

If he walked past a cat in the street it would hiss at him or sit there and judge him as it lazed around in the sunshine. Their eyes, their twitching tails and their claws just gave off an evil vibe.

Now, he knew that some animals needed to kill other animals – it was the way the world worked and he wasn't squeamish or any of that shit. Dogs killing rabbits? Fine, whatever. But when a cat spotted a bird, or a mouse, or some other little animal, then they wouldn't just kill it; they'd fucking torture it. Like, they'd let the mouse scurry away for a second and just pounce on it again. And then, when the creature was _finally_ dead, they'd just leave it. They wouldn't eat it or shit. It was all just some cruel little game.

So, yeah, cats were evil. It was a fact.

But Puck was sure that Rachel Berry's cat? Was fucking Satan.


	2. Chapter One

Disclaimer: I do not own the 'Glee' world

So, I couldn't leave you with just the prologue – it was seriously short! So have the first full chapter too!

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**Chapter One**

"It's very considerate of you to offer me a lift home, Noah." Rachel said to him. He nodded as though this was true but really, he was hoping to be rewarded with more than the chocolate brownie that she'd offered so far.

So things with Quinn had kinda…fizzled out. It'd taken them a couple of months to realise that they really weren't good for each other as a couple and had broken up. Sure, he'd been a little bit upset at first but then he'd realised that he'd get to sex up other chicks now and no one would be getting mad at him for doing so.

He'd given it like, a week, in respect for Quinn, before he'd approached a couple of Cheerios but they'd turned him down (Seriously, what the fuck?!).

It turns out that lots of girls don't really dig a teenaged father-to-be. Especially when his baby-mama is their ex Cheer captain. So he'd been forced to broaden his horizons a little.

He'd been wondering where to next look for a hot chick (who didn't have a problem with him knocking up another chick) while waiting for glee rehearsal to start. He was still sat next to Quinn (cos she said they were just friends now, which basically meant that he was still her bitch and had to do pretty much everything she said and, in return, he was allowed to touch her stomach when his little girl was kicking. It was worth it. Though he kinda hoped the kicking hurt Quinn, a little.) and Mike was on his other side.

Rehearsal wasn't due to start for another ten minutes. He wouldn't normally be there that early but he'd had to escort Quinn from her last class and with Quinn you always had to leave with plenty of time to spare cos she waddled quite slow and you had to be prepared in case she wanted to puke, pee, cry or eat a whole bag of spicy tortilla chips. Pregnant chicks, man.

Finn entered the room looking sadder and stupider than normal and Rachel Berry came in not much later looking all tense. They sat at opposite ends of the room to each other.

Puck didn't really care but there was still an _age_ until rehearsal was supposed to start so he turned to Mike and asked, "Hey, Changster, what's up with the freaky twins?"

"Oh, dude, they broke up." Mike replied, becoming all animated. Puck thought it was gay to find someone else's relationship so fascinating. Other Asian seriously needed to grow a pair. "Like, there was a big fight at lunch. Rachel was all, like, 'why are you always so embarrassed to be with me?'" Puck raised his eyes at Mike's scary high pitched voice. "And then Finn was like 'I think we need to take a break'. Major drama, dude."

"Dude, you need to get a life." Puck retorted.

Mike responded with a, "Hey, fuck you, man," and started up a conversation with Artie about head spins, which Puck thought was retarded because the only way Artie would be able to dance on his head was if someone tipped his wheelchair over.

Puck wondered how he hadn't heard about the earlier fight and then he remembered that Quinn had made him go to some ridiculously expensive sandwich shop to get a chicken, bacon and turkey sub.

"Did you hear about Finn and Rachel?" Puck asked Quinn.

"Yep, in fifth period chem." Quinn replied coolly, hands placed supportingly on her (fucking huge) stomach.

"And you didn't think to tell me?"

"You hate high school gossip."

"Yeah, normally, but I actually _know_ who these two people are. When you start talking about David What's-his-face and Tiffany Who-the-fuck-cares; that's when I don't give a shit."

Quinn rolled her eyes. "Whatever. Anyway, it's not like the Finn and Rachel thing is a surprise – she's a complete nightmare. Did you even see the matching outfits she picked out for them to wear?"

Puck chuckled at the memory of Finn and Rachel walking around the school in matching woollen snowflake jumpers. That was some seriously funny shit.

"Yeah, well, Finn's too much of a wimp to tell her to rein the crazy in."

"As if _you'd_ do any different if you were trying to make your way up the bases with her." Quinn scoffed.

"Hey, did she try to get me to wear a snowy jumper when we went out? Hell no. Berry wouldn't even dare try to pull off that shit with me. She knows I'm a fucking badass."

"Yeah, such a badass you quit _football_ for her. Really, Puck you should've just cut off your dick and handed it to her. Badass, my ass!"

Ah, the pregnancy hormones. Pre-cherry-pop Quinn would be ashamed to hear the words that sometimes came out of pregnant Quinn's mouth. He normally found it amusing, except for when she was questioning his badassness.

"Look, you may be pregnant, but I've told you like a dozen times that saying shit like that's not cool unless you want to pay for the next triple fudge sundae yourself."

Quinn sighed. "Fine, whatever. You're the biggest badass in the whole of the world." She deadpanned. "Blah, blah, insert other words here so you can pretend that I care about your ego."

Puck had stopped listening after 'the whole world' compliment so he responded with, "You're damn fucking right I am."

"And people wonder why we broke up," Quinn muttered and started talking to Brittany.

Puck had to think for a minute about what had started the conversation off in the first place and eventually remembered that his ex-best friend and ex-girlfriend had just broken up. He didn't really care that much; it wasn't as though he spoke to either of them anymore (not that he'd really spoken to Rachel much anyway.) because, you know, it was awkward.

Puck looked over at Rachel. She was sitting there, staring at her hands. He felt a little bit sorry for her – it wasn't her fault she was slightly crazy.

She seemed to sense his gaze because she looked up at him. He was about to look away because Rachel's eyes could get a bit freaky when she stared at you sometimes but then she sent him a seriously sexy smile.

He blinked and it was gone. She was back to looking at her hands again. Had that really happened?

Mike punched him on the arm.

"Ow, man, what the fuck?"

"Dude, _rebound_." Mike hissed.

Puck turned to him. "You saw that?"

"The 'Come-Fuck-Me' smile Rachel sent your way? _Hell_ yeah, I did."

Puck nodded to himself. "Cool."

So, he'd been looking for a chick to snag but maybe one had found him. Picking up someone on the rebound was pretty awesome because, he was sort of on the rebound too. They'd both be in this to have a good time. Although if she started crying to him about Finn then he was going to have to ditch her then and there. He hoped she wouldn't. Cos Rachel was hot – her ass and legs were particularly fine. And, if that smile she sent his way was any indication, then he was totally going to get to touch her boobs this time.

He waited 'til the end of the rehearsal to start talking to her. Quinn was going shopping with Brittany so Puck didn't have to worry (appear to care) about taking her anywhere.

"So, er, sorry about you and Finn." Was his opening line and she frowned.

"Why? It's not as though you had anything to do with it, Noah."

He rubbed the back of his neck. "Yeah, I know, but isn't that supposed to be what you say to people when they break up?" Nobody had said that to _him _when he'd broken up with Quinn but they were like the _anti_ couple. People didn't like what they'd done to Finn and so they didn't particularly care about them either way.

She pondered this a minute and her lips made a seriously sexy pout. "Yes, I expect you're right."

He nodded. This wasn't going great. "So, did Finn give you a ride to school this morning?" he asked.

"Yes. Oh," she sighed as she realised what that meant.

"You want a lift home?" he offered.

She gave him a grateful smile. "That would be lovely, Noah. Thank you."

And so here he was eating brownies in Rachel Berry's kitchen.

"These are fucking awesome," he said between bites.

"I'm glad you approve," Rachel replied. She popped his plate in the dishwasher and there was an awkward moment of silence. Puck wondered if the brownies _were_ going to be his only reward and he thought that maybe he'd better leave before she went all psych about breaking up with Finn.

"I've had new drapes installed in my bedroom since you were last here. Do you want to see?" Rachel asked, sweetly.

Puck was in doubt that that was the weirdest fucking come-on he'd _ever_ heard. He didn't think Rachel would really appreciate him telling her that. So instead he said, "Hell, yeah."

She grabbed his hand with her tiny one and he followed her up the stairs (staring at her ass the entire way).

Rachel had just opened her bedroom door when they heard a weird crying sound from downstairs somewhere.

"What the fuck is that?" he asked, politely.

Berry looked quite excited and he had no idea why because it sounded like something was dying in her kitchen.

"Come on, you'll see."

He gazed at the comfy looking bed forlornly, somehow knowing that he wasn't going to be seeing it again that day. He followed her back down the stairs, and they walked towards the source of the crying noise.

Sitting by the back door, licking its paws, was a grey cat. Rachel was a crazy cat lady? _So_ not a good sign.

When the cat saw Rachel it trotted over to her, rubbing his body against her legs and purring.

"Hello, beautiful boy." Rachel spoke to the cat, as though it was a real person. She hefted the cat into her arms and stroked its back. "Have you had a good day?"

Puck wondered if Rachel actually realised that she was talking to a _cat_.

"Noah, this is Mr. Mistoffelees."

"Mr _what_?"

"Mis-toff-e-lees," she replied, as though _he_ was the one who needed a lesson in how to speak English. "It's the name of one of the cats in the musical."

"Which musical?"

"_Cats_, of course."

Of course.

"But we call him Mist for short, because he's grey."

Puck couldn't think of a suitable response so he said nothing (he was still trying to get to a base, remember?).

"It's time for his dinner now. Do you want to feed him?"

_Fuck_ no. "No, it's okay, you do it."

Rachel spent the next few minutes talking to the cat like it could fucking understand her as she fed him some meaty jelly crap that smelt like vomit.

He couldn't believe that she was looking after her cat when she could be making out with him. He was being passed over for a cat with a Broadway name. _Fucking lame._

He checked his watch. Shit! He totally forgot he had to pick up his sister in like 15 minutes.

"Um, Rachel, I actually need to leave now."

"Oh, are you sure?" she asked him, twisting the end of her skirt the way she had when he'd last been in this house. Damn fucking cat. He could've squeezed in a little bit of action if it wasn't for that furball.

"Yeah, I've gotta pick up my sister."

She seemed to brighten at that; like it was a genuine reason for him to leave.

"Okay, well, in that case. I was wondering whether you'd like to come round again tomorrow night, you know, if you're free."

"Yeah, sure, I don't have any plans tomorrow." (Unless Quinn decided she wanted some fast food.)

Rachel started walking him to the door. "Great, well, I'll see you tomorrow then."

They'd reached the door. She reached up and pulled his head down so his lips could meet hers. He was caught by surprise a little and it took him a few moments to respond to her eager (and fucking hot) kiss. Her lips had just parted to give entrance to his tongue when there was a loud _MEOW_ by their feet. They jumped apart. Mist was blatantly glaring at him.

_Fuck you, cat._

"Well, goodbye Noah," Rachel said breathlessly, smiling shyly up at him. He didn't know why she was trying to act all innocent after she'd just tried to kiss his brains out, but it was kinda sexy.

"Bye, Rach."

As Noah Puckerman stepped out through Rachel Berry's front door he had no idea of the war that was to come.

From a cat named Mr. Mistoffelees.

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A/N So, if you enjoyed this please let me know! I've discovered that I like writing pregnant Quinn and Mike Chang!

Next one should be up next week because I don't want to spoil you by giving you too much too soon!

Lots of love,

Lil Drop of Magic

xXx


	3. Chapter Two

Disclaimer: I do not own the 'Glee' world

A/N You guys are so lovely with your reviews, alerts and favourites! I'm glad you're liking this fic. :)

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**Chapter Two**

Puck knocked on Rachel's door on Friday evening. He was late. Stupid Quinn had made him go out and buy her three popsicles just as he'd been about to leave Brittany's (where she was now living). It was fucking _February_ and cold as shit outside. Why the hell would she want a popsicle? Pregnant chicks were seriously crazy.

Rachel opened the door and Puck nearly groaned at the sight of her. Her hair was pulled back into a messy bun and her top stopped just under her boobs, showing off her perfectly flat stomach. She was wearing these pants that were _so_ tight they were practically a second layer of skin and he could see no trace of a panty-line at all. Basically, she looked utterly fuckable.

"Noah! I wasn't expecting you quite so soon," she said and Puck tried _really_ hard to keep his eyes on her face. He could literally sense that the cold wind was making goosebumps spread all over her bare skin.

"I'm twenty minutes late," he pointed out. He didn't know why he said that – it made him look bad.

"Oh, I must have been too focused on my yoga to pay attention to the passage of time."

Ah, _yoga._ So that's what was up with the outfit.

"Come on in," she offered and held out the door. He followed her in to the lounge where there was a small mat laid out on the carpet.

"I've just got a few more poses to go through," Rachel informed him. "You can watch if you like."

Puck shrugged. He didn't want to appear _too_ keen to watch her do stretches wearing ridiculously tight clothes. "Where are your Dads?" he asked.

"They've gone away for the weekend. They won't be back until Sunday evening." Puck was relieved. He didn't want them to walk in find him leering at their daughter. He took a seat on the couch and made himself comfortable for the show…

The next ten minutes of Puck's life were _totally_ hot. He had to take his jacket off and everything (but he assumed that it was probably because Rachel had turned the heating up so that it felt like a hundred degrees in her house).

Rachel was majorly flexible and it was a pretty awesome change after he'd gotten used to watching Quinn have trouble picking up something that she'd dropped on the floor. Rachel could, like, do the splits and put her feet next to her ear and his mind reeled at the possibilities. Every now and then she'd say something like, "This is called the dolphin," which kind of intruded on his fantasies but as long as she kept going with the flexi-ness he wasn't going to complain. She moved into another position; she got on her knees, leant her head back and pushed her chest and hips towards him. "This is called the camel." She told him. And then to finish it all off she basically bowed down to him, like he was some sort of god (and don't think that he _hadn't_ been called a sex god on more than one occasion).

Puck knew what was going on here; Rachel Berry was trying to seduce him. He was flattered, really, because she totally hadn't needed to bother (not that he was complaining. _At all)_. He wasn't about to turn down the chance to make out with Rachel, even though if they did progress further through the bases together then his friendship was Finn was going to be completely over. (Not that things with Finn were at all friendly at the moment – they'd only just gotten to the stage where the quarterback didn't look like he wanted to cry and/or punch something whenever Puck opened his mouth.) But Puck found that he didn't really care. He'd had to cope without Finn's friendship for the last couple of months and things hadn't been _that_ bad. Okay, so actually, pretty much everyone in the school fucking hated him and he was forced to hang out with a hormonal Quinn for 90% of the time, but still… If he was forced to choose between sex with Rachel and being friends with Finn then for the sake of his manhood he'd have to choose sexy-time with Rachel. Puck was sure that Finn would make the same decision should the situation be in reverse.

And anyway, it wasn't like Finn had a concrete claim on Rachel at the moment. They'd broken up. Yes, okay, so she was still totally Finn's girl but _technically_ (and Puck liked to pay attention to the details when there was something in it for him) she was single and therefore he should feel no guilt in making her want to shout his name over and over again. But just there was another issue. He wasn't sure whether Rachel had handed over her V card to Finn yet. It wasn't something he'd remotely cared about until she'd sent him that sexy smile that had appeared in his dreams more than once last night. Puck knew that Finn would probably try to kill him if he slept with Rachel but he was pretty sure that if his dick became the _first_ customer at Hotel Berry then he was actually going to have to leave the state and adopt a new name (which sucked because 'Puck' was a badass name. He'd change _Noah_ though.) But all this was totally Finn's fault anyway. From what Mike had creepily impersonated yesterday, Puck had gathered that it was Hudson who had propelled Rachel back into single-town. So now Rachel could make her own decisions and basically do whatever the fuck she liked. And it looked like she totally wanted to _do_ him. Fuck yeah.

He knew that she'd probably only chosen him because he was the guy that was going to make Finn the most pissed off, but he was completely okay with that. He'd been slightly concerned (not _worried,_ bitches) that Rachel was going to tell Finn about the previous night to try and rub it in Finn's stupid face and he was going to end up with a black eye, but she obviously hadn't mentioned it at all because he was still his perfect, unblemished self. Rachel hadn't really acted at all different towards him at school today except for sending him some more of those sexy smiles when she thought no-one else was looking and she'd slipped a little piece of paper into her locker telling him what time to get to her house. If he'd known that he was going to get a yoga-show like this from Rachel then would've told Quinn to scrape some ice out of Brittany's freezer if she wanted a fucking popsicle.

Rachel sat up and breathed what Puck assumed was a sigh of happiness after her stretches.

"You're really bendy," he told her and tried not to wince as soon as he said it. What sort of a fucking line was that to try and pull on a girl?! Luckily she seemed too peaced out from her yoga to make fun of the shit that had spouted from his mouth.

"Well, I do practice up to 4 times a week," she informed him. Puck nodded. He might well be inviting himself round Rachel's house more often.

"So, what do you want to do now?" she asked, sitting next to him on the couch. Puck raised an eyebrow. He thought it was pretty obvious what they _both_ wanted to do next.

"You know, I never really got the chance to see your new drapes."

Rachel bit her lip and looked up at him through her eyelashes. She looked sexy as hell when she did that.

"Yes, the new drapes are really lovely, but I also have a television in my room and I was thinking that maybe we could watch a film."

Puck frowned. When she'd been talking about her drapes…had she actually meant her fucking drapes? It kinda sounded that way now. And then she'd done that yoga-stretching stuff which had seemed like a blatant come on to him. But now she wanted to watch a film? He was quite confused, which often happened when he was around Rachel to be honest. She didn't act like normal people. So, perhaps this movie suggestion was like a cover for some serious action? He certainly hoped so. At least they'd get to be in her room – that was always a good sign.

"Um, sure."

She smiled at him and took his hand like she had yesterday. He took this as another good sign.

As she led him towards the stairs a soft cry came from a corner of the hallway. Puck looked over to see that Misty-toffee cat lying in a fluffy blue cat-bed. Rachel ignored the animal and Puck tried to too but he could feel the cat's eyes on the back of his neck as they walked up the stairs. It was kinda freaky but then Puck reminded himself that it was just a cat. What was the worst that the little flea-bag could do?

Forty-five minutes later Puck decided that Rachel's new drapes were really not that interesting. However, compared to the biggest pile of _gay_ that Rachel was making him watch, he'd _much_ rather stare at them as though they were covered in images of naked chicks.

He'd very stupidly let Rachel choose which movie they should watch. She picked a fucking musical (of course) about some fat girl who thought she could dance. He was not impressed. Particularly when Rachel gleefully informed him that said fat chick's mom was in fact John fucking Travolta, like this was a good thing. Okay, so Travolta had already done some pansy-assed musicals but the dude had also been in _Pulp Fiction_ and _Face/Off_ and a couple of other totally kick-ass films. What was he doing dressed as a fat old woman?! Worst career move _ever_.

The cheesy songs were making him want to smother himself with one of Rachel's 67 pillows and he thought the film was totally unrealistic. If the plot turned out like he thought it would (and he was pretty sure it would) then the main guy would get with the fat girl at the end of the film which any guy with a pair of eyes would tell you would _never_ happen – the blonde girl might be a bitch but she was fucking hot, even if she did have weird hair and dressed like a cupcake.

And what made everything worse was that Rachel had pretty much ignored him since the movie had started playing. It was like she actually wanted to watch the fucking film rather than make out with him! What the fuck?

As _another_ cheesy song started playing, Puck decided that enough was enough, he was going to need to get some action before his balls shrivelled up and dropped off due to the whole gayness of the situation.

He was about to move his hand forward to rest it on her thigh when her door was pushed open and that cat walked in. It seemed to take stock of the situation before springing up onto the bed. Puck watched with a glower as the cat settled himself on Rachel's lap, its head turned so that he was glaring at Puck.

The cat just had to choose that fucking moment, didn't he? Like he couldn't have waited five more minutes when he would've seen that he and Berry were busy making out.

He tried to telepathically tell the cat to go the fuck away but if anything the cat seemed to bury himself deeper into Rachel's lap. Rachel started stroking the cat and he purred loudly in response, like he was rubbing it in Puck's face.

Bastard.

Puck considered giving in and just grabbing the pillow to end his suffering now but as the fat girl tried to dance again he thought that after this torture Rachel was putting him through, he totally deserved some sort of reward.

He inched a little closer to Rachel trying to ignore the glaring cat. Now that the 'hand on thigh' option was out he was going to have to go for the much lamer 'hand stroking the arm' (Come on, who would freely chose arm over thigh? Unless there was some (un)accidental brushing of boob…)

He raised his left hand and touched it gently against the smooth skin of her right shoulder. She didn't seem to notice, so he lightly ran the pads of his fingers along her silky skin (and yes, the tips of his fingers _totally_ made contact with the swell of her breast, awesome) and she turned her head to give him that sexy under-eyelash look. Action was definitely coming his way.

But he had totally not realised that as his fingers moved further down her arm they got closer and closer to the cat on her lap. Quicker than Puck could blink, the evil cat had sunk his claws and teeth into his forearm.

Puck yelled in shock and pain (seriously dude, those claws were like little fucking knives!) and flung the cat off of his arm. The grey furball landed sprawled on the floor with a strangled 'meow' before shooting under Rachel's bed.

"Mr. Mistoffelees!" Rachel cried as Puck yelled,

"Fucking evil bastard!" He looked down at his arm and he had six huge scratches that were already starting to bleed a lot.

Rachel was on her knees on the floor trying to coax Mr. Mistoffelees out from under the bed. The cat was moaning like a fucking pussy…well, you know what he means.

"Oh, Noah! How could you do that to Mist?" Rachel scolded.

Puck shoved his bleeding arm towards her face. "_Me?_ Your cat tried to rip the fucking flesh off of my arm! You should be helping _me_! This shit fucking hurts, babe!" He was trying to play the sympathy card here which he was pretty sure he was fucking entitled to after her cat had fucking maimed him.

"You scared him!" Rachel said as though this whole thing was his fault.

"I didn't do anything to scare him – your cat's just a fucking psycho!"

Rachel had managed to drag Mist out from under the bed and the stupid thing was still crying like he was an innocent victim in all of this. But Puck could swear that it looked like the little shit was sending a victorious look his way, which was insane because it was a fucking cat!

"If I get cat rabies from that thing I'm going to fucking sue your ass." He was only half-joking but Rachel didn't seem to find it funny in the slightest.

"Noah, I think it would be best if you left." She told him stonily.

"But what about my arm?" he asked, showing it to her again. He had started to drip blood onto her floor but he didn't feel guilty about that in the slightest.

"You're a grown boy, you can look after yourself." And then she turned her back on him and started to watch the movie again.

He gaped down at her. He couldn't believe the way this shit had gone down.

As he walked towards the door he gave her a last look over his shoulder. She was completely ignoring him but Mist was purring and looking smug.

Evil fucking cat.

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A/N The film that Rachel forced Puck to watch is _Hairspray_. I know Rachel's acting a little OOC but she and Finn have just broken up so I expect she'd be a little confused how to act, especially around Puck because she's not sure what she wants.

Anyway, let me know if you liked the chapter!

Lots of love,

Lil Drop of Magic

xXx


	4. Chapter Three

Disclaimer: I do not own the 'Glee' world.

Hi guys! Thanks so much for the reviews, alerts and favourites :)

Although, one person seemed to think I had something against cats but I definitely DON'T! I have a cat and I love him to bits. Have I named him after a Cat from the musical? No. Do I talk to him like he can understand me?...er, yeah.

Anyway, let's get on with the chapter!

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**Chapter Three**

"Die, you piece of mother-fucking zombie shit!" Puck shouted at the television screen in Matt's basement. It was early on Saturday afternoon and Puck, Matt and Mike had been playing on the Xbox for the last hour. Puck pressed the buttons on the controller one last time and the zombie promptly exploded.

"Cool," Mike breathed, putting down his controller.

"Next level'll be up in a minute," Matt said. "You guys want a drink?"

"Couple of beers'll do for me," Puck answered.

Mike groaned and looked at Puck. "Dude, I know you're joking," Puck frowned because he _wasn't_ joking, "but can we not mention alcohol; I'm still recovering after Chloe Price's party last night."

"Pussy," Puck muttered as Matt rolled his eyes.

"Where were you last night anyway?" Mike asked Puck. "Did Quinn have you hunting down weird food again?"

"Nope." He replied. "I just had other things going on." Namely mopping up the bloody mess that was once an arm.

"Like what?" Matt asked, shovelling chips into his face.

"Like fucking your mom."

Mike burst into laughter as Matt choked on the chips.

"You're fucking hilarious," Matt said dryly once his airways were clear again.

"You don't need to tell me something I already know."

Mike suddenly gasped and pointed at Puck. "Dude, I know who you were with! You were with Rachel, weren't you?"

"Rachel who?" he responded, trying to play ignorant.

"Don't be a dick, dude; Rachel Berry."

"Why would he be with her?" Matt asked.

"Because she totally wants to be on the rebound with him." Mike explained and told Matt about the smile Rachel sent him in glee.

"So, were you with her or not?" Mike asked Puck eagerly.

"Of course I was with her, idiot." Puck replied. "This _is_ me we're talking about."

"So what happened?" Matt asked.

"Dude, come on, you know I don't kiss and tell."

There was a beat of silence before all three of them burst into laughter.

"That never gets old," Mike chuckled, helping himself to some chips.

"It was pretty hot – nothing too serious," Puck revealed, using his hand to rub the back of his Mohawk. "Just making out in her room. I didn't quite get to second but it won't be long."

Puck frowned as the only reaction that Matt and Mike had to this update was to grin and share a smug look.

"What are you fuckers grinning about?" he asked sourly.

"Should we tell him?" Matt asked Mike.

Mike put his chin in the palm of his hand, a thoughtful expression on his face. "I dunno. I kinda like that he doesn't know."

"You two have about 5 seconds to tell me what the fuck you're going on about before I kick your asses."

"Dude, there's no way you could take us both down." Matt pointed out.

"Is that a fucking challenge?" Puck asked loudly, getting to his feet.

"Ow, dude, man with a hangover sitting right here, remember?" Mike complained.

"Well fucking tell me Chang before I scream in your fucking ear," Puck growled.

"Geez, all right." Mike sighed. "We know you're lying, that's all."

"What? How?" Puck wondered and then realized that he'd just admitted that he'd lied. _Shit_.

"You have a tell." Matt explained simply.

"What, like in poker?"

"Yeah, that's how we found out." Mike added. "Didn't you wonder how we could always tell when you were bluffing when we had our game last month?"

Puck just thought he'd had really shit luck with the cards.

"And I did it just now?" Mike and Matt nodded. "So what do I do? What's my tell?"

"Come on, man, as if we're going to fucking tell you." Matt chuckled. "We made a fortune off of you last time and we're not about to just throw away a priceless piece of intel like that."

Puck frowned and sat back down. He didn't like that his body subconsciously told people that he was lying. He'd have to try and keep an eye on himself…if that was even possible.

"So what _did_ happen with Rachel then?" Matt asked.

"Fuck all," Puck answered semi-honestly.

"She didn't even let you kiss her after that smile she sent you on Thursday?" Mike said in disbelief.

"I got to kiss her once on Thursday but not yesterday." Puck revealed.

"Why not?"

"Can we not talk about this shit right now? The next level's been ready for like five minutes. I want to kill some zombies."

"No, dude, my love life's pretty much non-existent right now." Mike whined. "I'm having to live through yours and I want details."

"Dude, the reason you're not getting any is because you're calling it a fucking 'love life'" Puck pointed out. "And maybe if you actually got off your ass and went looking for a chick you might get laid every once in a while."

"Says the guy who's here instead of making out with Rachel Berry." Mike retorted.

"Yeah, dude, why are you here if you haven't really gotten anywhere with Rachel yet?" Matt asked.

Puck shrugged. He did _so_ not want to tell them about that fucking cat. "I dunno, I just don't want to rush into things I suppose." Puck lied, trying to keep his body as still as possible so he wasn't giving off any tells.

"Well, maybe that's for the best." Matt reasoned. "She has just broken up with Finn and she obviously isn't over him yet. I think she'd probably regret it if she jumped into a physical relationship with you."

"Thanks for your support, man," Puck muttered, flipping Matt the bird.

"You treat most girls like shit, dude, and you know it." Matt retorted. "Rachel's supposed to be our friend. I don't want her to get hurt – she has _feelings_, you know."

"Yeah, feelings towards my _cock,_" Puck responded and held out his hand for Mike to high-five. Other Asian rolled his eyes but dutifully moved his hand forwards to meet Puck's.

Unfortunately, Mike had crap aim because he totally missed Puck's hand and hit his forearm instead, right where Berry's damn fucking cat had tried to rip his arm apart.

"Ow, _shit_, man!" Puck snapped, bringing his arm defensively against his chest.

"Dude, what's the matter?" Matt asked, looking at him with concern (the pussy).

"Nothing," Puck lied.

"Fuck off was that nothing." Mike said. "Let me see your arm."

"No, perv, look at your own."

Mike rolled his eyes. "You might as well let us see it now – it's two against one after all."

Puck sighed and rolled up the sleeve of his jacket, wincing as the fabric caught on the scabs of his six large scratches.

Mike and Matt both gasped.

"Shit, man, what happened to you?" Matt asked.

Puck realised that he was going to have tell them both the whole story; or his version of the whole story anyway.

"Rachel has a cat and he didn't like it when I tried to touch her so I threw him across the room. Rachel got pissed and told me to leave." There. That would do. And now his friends would be sympathetic and give him advice for how to get rid of the little flea bag.

Mike and Matt promptly burst into hysterical laughter. _Fuckers_.

"Cock…blocked…by a…cat!" Mike managed to gasp between breaths before laughing even harder than before.

"Dude, that's the funniest shit I've ever heard," Matt chuckled.

Puck stood up and glared at them. "Whatever fucktards, I'm outta here." He started to move towards the stairs to get out of the basement but Matt grabbed onto his shoulder.

"Come on, dude. You have to admit that it's funny that _you_ got outmanoeuvred by a cat."

"Yeah, it's fucking hilarious." Puck deadpanned. "I can feel my balls dropping off as we speak."

Mike rolled his eyes. "God, why do you have to be so dramatic about things? You know, you sound like Rachel – except she doesn't do the rude part."

"Shut your face, I so do _not _sound like her."

Matt nodded. "You kind of do."

Puck frowned. Well, shit, he'd never thought of it like that.

"Dude, Rachel'll get over this cat thing in no time. Trust me." Matt said.

"Trust your advice about chicks? Hardly fucking likely. You turned your last fucking girlfriend gay."

"What? Santana's not gay; she'd bi." Matt defended. "And we were never that serious to begin with."

"Yeah, well she wasn't eating pussy when she was with me," Puck pointed out, "so _someone_ must've drove her to experiment with chicks."

"Dude, that was way harsh," Mike said, putting a hand on Matt's shoulder. "He was only trying to help."

"Oh, fuck, you two aren't an item too, are you?" Puck asked in horror.

Mike and Matt sprang apart from each other, both making strong protests.

"Look, all I was going to say before you started using attack as your defence, was that a few months ago you managed to get Rachel to forgive you for all that shit you used to do to her." Matt explained. "I'm sure you can do the same this time."

And just like that, Puck knew how he'd be able to get back into Rachel Berry's pants (not that he'd actually been there before).

* * *

* * *

He supposed that he should have thought of it sooner (and he'll later claim that it was completely his own idea) because this _was_ Rachel Berry that he was trying to get with, after all.

So, later that afternoon he was back knocking on her door, guitar in hand.

"Good afternoon, Noah," she greeted coolly. She was back to wearing one of her little skirts again – something he really didn't have a problem with (they were totally sexy).

"Look, Rachel, I'm sorry about yesterday." He wasn't normally into giving apologies but when sexy times with a hot chick were at stake he was willing to do a lot of things. "I didn't mean to hurt your feelings." But he _had_ totally meant to hurt her cat.

Rachel gave him a small smile and he knew he was in but he decided to lay the trump card to ensure it and he motioned towards his guitar. "I thought maybe we could practice some songs for glee and shit."

Her smile widened and she nodded a couple of times. "I think that's a lovely idea, Noah."

She opened the door wider and Puck followed her in, keeping an eye out for that devil-cat, but he didn't seem to be around. Good.

Rachel went into her lounge and Puck was kinda disappointed that they weren't going to her room but he remembered that her Dads were away 'til tomorrow so he supposed it didn't really make a difference.

"I learnt a new song for you – from that movie we were watching yesterday." He told her. It had nearly cost him his manhood to do it, but yes, he had researched those gay-ass songs from that fat-dancer-chick musical.

It appeared to be a good move though because Rachel looked fucking stoked which was as it she should be seeing as she was getting a private performance from Puckzilla.

She took a seat on the coach and he stood in front of her fireplace. To be honest, the only reason that he was actually okay with doing this (apart from the fact that he was hoping it led to touching Rachel's boobs in the near future) was that this song was _totally_ dirty.

He hadn't noticed all the innuendos in the song when the film was on because he'd been trying to shut out the sheer gayness of the whole thing, but when he'd actually looked at the words...The song was like, about male prostitutes or sex toys or something. So yeah, if he had to sing something from this movie then it was only going to be this song.

And, come on, he totally was the _Ladies' Choice _(Just ask Quinn and all the cougars).

He was just about to start playing but he saw something that made him stop. That fucking cat had wandered into the room and settled on the back of the couch; its yellow eyes glaring at him.

Puck would ask Rachel if she could chuck the little fucker out but, after yesterday, that probably wasn't the best idea.

He turned his attention back to Rachel, who was sitting expectantly on the couch. He wasn't going to be intimidated by a fucking cat.

He strummed the first couple of beats on his guitar but -

'_Mrow_' Mist whined and Puck halted. He glared at the cat, trying to silently tell it to shut the fuck up and it seemed to get the message because it stopped.

Puck started again but –

'_Mrrooww,_' he whinged more insistently and Puck stopped again.

"Awww," Rachel cooed, turning to stroke Mist's head. "He wants to join in with you, Noah. That's so cute."

No, it fucking wasn't.

That little bastard was messing with his game and Puck wasn't fucking pleased about it. He began playing _again_ and of course, the fucker started crying again. Puck tried to carry on but Mist just got louder and louder.

"Babe, can't we just chuck him out?" Puck asked, "He's totally ruining the song!"

"As a future performer, Noah, you need to practice singing to a disruptive audience. I'm afraid that not everyone liking your material is one of the harsh realities of being in show business." Rachel explained, which Puck roughly translated as, _no_.

He sighed. Damn Rachel Berry for being so hot. Plus, he totally needed to get the better of this cat because Matt and Mike knew that he hadn't gotten anywhere with Rachel yet _and_ they'd know if he lied about it.

Once again, he started playing the song and Mist joined in too, but Puck kept going and finally got round to actually singing.

_"Hey little girl with the cash to burn,  
Well I'm selling something you won't return,  
Hey little girl take me off the shelf,  
'Cause it's hard having fun playing with yourself."_

And, fuck yeah, it seemed that Mist had gotten the message that Puck wasn't going to just give up, because the cat had jumped down from the couch and stalked off.

Puck relaxed slightly and got a little bit more into the performance; sending Rachel the smirks and smiles he knew the ladies loved.

_"Once you've browsed through the whole selection,  
Shake those hips in my direction.  
_

_A prettier package you never did see,  
Take me home and they unwrap me,  
Shop around but little darlin',  
I've got to be,  
The ladies' choice."  
_

Puck loved the way that Rachel was looking at him right now – it was the same look she'd given the National Show Choir trophy they'd spotted at Carmel High when they'd gone on a recon (but that was another story). In simple terms; she wanted him. And fucking hell, did he want her too.

_"Hey little girl looking for a sale,  
Test drive this American male,  
It's going to take cash to fill my tank,  
So let's crack open your piggy bank,_

Hey little girl goin' window shopping  
I got somethin traffic stoppin."

Unfortunately, he'd been so into his performance that he'd forgotten to keep an eye out for Mist. As he was about to launch into the chorus for the second time he heard a strange noise coming from near his feet.

He only had time to glance down before Mist (and Puck was _sure_ the little fucker did it on purpose) was sick...all over his shoes.

* * *

A/N Hope you enjoyed reading – this was surprisingly easy to write!

The song featured was Ladies' Choice from Hairspray.

If you liked the chapter then let me know! Reviews are seriously like crack to me! Last chapter was kind of down on reviews compared to the last one so please keep them coming in. Oh, and if you have any suggestions for what situations Mist could create then please let me know! I have a few but the more ideas the better!

The next chapter shouldn't take too long to come up.

Lots of love,

Lil Drop of Magic

xXxXxXx


	5. Chapter Four

Disclaimer: I do not own the 'Glee' world.

A/N So, what should have been a quick update turned out to be a five month wait. Sorry about that. This story will be getting updated more regularly from now on.

Many thanks to all those who reviewed/favourited/alerted this story.

**Chapter Four**

"Here they are, good as new," Rachel said as she handed over his cleaned socks and shoes. Puck looked at them suspiciously – there didn't seem to be any traces of cat puke on them and he gave a little (manly) sniff. His senses couldn't detect the acidic stench of vomit, in fact, they smelt rather fruity and flowery (which in itself was rather sickening) but he'd take that over puke any day.

"I cleaned the shoes myself," she continued and Puck thought that the fact that Rachel Berry had cleaned his shoes was a bit fucking weird. He hadn't really wanted to give them to her but she'd insisted and to be honest, he hadn't really wanted to drive home with shoes that were covered in fucking cat vomit. Of course, this had meant that he'd have to drive home with _no _shoes on but Berry had forced a pair of one of her dads' shoes on him before practically shoving him out of the door. He knew that she was all upset and shit about her 'sick' cat (Puck wasn't convinced that the little furball was sick on him for a medical reason – it was much more likely that it had happened purely out of spite) but she'd treated him kinda cold.

He'd texted her a couple of times and phoned her once (he didn't want to look fucking desperate) but she hadn't replied and the call had run onto voicemail because she hadn't answered it.

"I'm very sorry for the way I treated you on Saturday, Noah, and it was very remiss of me to not return your messages." She said. She'd apologized, like, a million fucking times already and on the ride over to her house after school today she'd told him all about what had happened at the vet's: they'd kept him in for observation overnight but on Sunday they'd managed to conclude that Mist was okay (which Puck thought was hardly a genius conclusion because there was _fuck all_ wrong with that cat).

"I suppose you're forgiven, Rachel." He said, crossing his arms over his chest. "But how are you going to make it up to me?" he asked in a low voice, hoping that Rachel understood _exactly_ how she could make it up to him. He wasn't really expecting sex (although that would be fucking awesome) but at least a little bit of action would be more than fucking appreciated seeing as this was the fourth time he'd been round her house in the last five days and all he'd gotten to show for it was a kiss, a slight brushing of boob, six scratches and cat-sick covered shoes.

Rachel bit her lower lip slightly and looked under her eyelashes at him in that sexy way that he loved. "I've got a couple of ideas," she said, taking a few steps to close the distance between them. Puck was kinda excited cos it looked like he was going to get some, but he was keeping an eye out for that little devil-cat – he'd managed to come between them too often for Puck not to be wary.

But it seemed that his worries were in vain because he actually got to kiss Rachel. About fucking time.

She'd wrapped her arms around his neck and she was standing on tiptoes to make up for the height difference. He placed his hands just above her ass, trying not to groan because he'd forgotten just how fucking good she was at this shit. It probably wasn't worth all the shit he'd had to go through so far but it was still pretty awesome and he definitely wasn't gonna turn her down.

Unfortunately, Rachel pulled away a couple of minutes into it and he was feeling pretty fucking smug about how turned on she looked. Yeah, he was the man.

"Do you wanna come upstairs and do some studying?" Rachel asked breathlessly.

Puck frowned. He was now totally unsure whether this was Rachel's code for making out in her bedroom or she actually meant what she said. He didn't particularly want to study (mostly because the concept was alien to him) but what if it _was_ code and he was turning down some hot action? He decided that as long as he was still near her then there was a possibility of some making out and he could always make an excuse and leave if all she wanted to do was learn about fucking math.

"Yeah, sure, babe." He said and she flashed one of her crazy/beautiful smiles at him.

They grabbed their shit and Rachel got them some drinks and snacks from the kitchen. He figured that he'd have to pretend to do at least a bit of studying but he was still pretty hopeful that he'd get to at least kiss her a bit more.

As they made their way to the staircase they passed Mist, lying in his cat bed. Puck had to agree that the furball was definitely playing his part because Puck was pretty pleased to see that he looked quite miserable (if that was even fucking possible for a cat).

Rachel bent down to stroke his head and the cat mewled pathetically. "It's okay, baby boy. I'm going to be down later to give you your medicine." Puck rolled his eyes and carried on up the stairs.

So, yeah, they mostly studied which kinda sucked because Rachel actually made sure he studied with her but at least he learnt some math for the first time in a couple of years. And she'd got them some 'healthy' snacks that looked like bird food but they didn't totally taste like ass.

And then, after they'd studied for forty-five minutes, Rachel said they could have a break and Puck was rewarded with some making out. Fuck, yeah.

He'd seriously forgotten how much fun it was making out with Rachel – she wasn't scared about taking control of the situation despite her lack of experience and even though he normally preferred to be the dominant one, strong women totally turned him on.

Once their make out session was over (way earlier than he would've liked but he'd take what he could get for now) Rachel decided that they should start studying biology instead.

"I can't find my textbook, Noah. Will you check in your truck to see if it's in there?" Rachel asked.

He agreed, reluctantly. It was fucking freezing outside and he checked his truck as quick as he could, finding the big-ass book on Rachel's seat. He hurried back into her house and up to her room because leaving the front door open had made her house cold too.

They started to learn about something to do with blood but were interrupted about fifteen minutes later by an alarm on Rachel's phone.

"Oh, it's time to give Mr Mistofelees his medicine. I'm very glad you're here to help me with this Noah because it's very difficult to get Mist to take it."

Puck tried not to let his pleasure at those words show. It was the cat's own stupid fault for making himself sick otherwise he wouldn't have to take the medicine.

They walked down the stairs but found that Mist was gone from his bed. "Mist!" Rachel called, looking in the downstairs rooms.

"Maybe he knows you're gonna give him the medicine?" Puck suggested when she came back without finding him.

Rachel frowned. "Maybe. You check upstairs and I'll carry on looking down here."

So they searched the house from top to bottom. Puck inspected some rooms more thoroughly than others because he totes didn't feel comfortable snooping through Rachel's Dads' room. However, he was able to convince himself that there was a possibility that Mist could have hidden in Rachel's panties drawer. The cat wasn't there but Puck _did_ make some awesome (sexy) discoveries. He was severely tempted to steal one of the items but he could hear Rachel coming up the stairs so he shut the drawer quickly and pretended to look in her bathroom instead.

She came in, looking like she was trying not to cry. "Have you found him?" she asked.

"No, but I'm sure he'll turn up soon, Rach." He replied, trying to sound sincere because she was way too fucking upset about this.

She walked towards him and he realised that she was after some form of physical comfort so he grit his teeth and let her hug him and if his arms sorta hugged her back it was only because he didn't know what else to do with them. "Let's wait for him downstairs." She muttered against his chest. "It's past his dinner time now and he never normally misses it."

As they got to the bottom of the stairs Rachel and Puck both stared at the front door. "You don't think…?" started Puck and Rachel frowned.

"He doesn't go out at night."

"But if he's not in here, babe and the door was open for a few minutes when I went to find your book then I think that's what's probably happened. He'll be back soon though. Like you said, he'll want his dinner."

Rachel's bottom lip began to wobble and Puck hoped that she wasn't going to start crying because he was useless at dealing with that shit.

"B-but, it's so dark and cold out there now. What if he gets lost in the snow and he's too cold to make his way back! Or, or someone might catnap him, Noah! We need to go out and look for him." Puck resisted the urge to groan as she walked over to where the coats were and immediately started to equip herself to face the bitter cold.

He _so_ did not want to do this. It was like arctic conditions out there (okay, a slight exaggeration but it _was_ fucking cold) and he hated being cold. But he knew that if he wanted to get any further with Rachel then he was going to have to go.

And there was no way that he could let her go out there on her own. There were some serious psychos in the world and he couldn't let her go snooping around on a freezing dark snowy night. She'd probably fall into a drift and her midget form wouldn't survive ten minutes let alone all night.

"You got any gloves and shit I can borrow?" he asked, joining her in layering up his body so that he wouldn't get hypothermia.

They emerged from Rachel's house a few minutes later – each looking twice their normal size due to the extra clothing and both of them carrying a torch.

They searched the outside of her house and garden first but any tracks Mist may have made in the snow had been covered over by a fresh flurry of snowflakes. So they went from house to house, knocking on doors for permission to look for the stupid fucking cat.

Puck felt so fucking embarrassed to be walking around with Rachel shouting, "Mr Mistoffelees!" at the top of her voice. But at least they got to hold hands. Woah, _shit._ He wondered how low he'd gotten recently that purely holding a chick's hand was like some sort of an accomplishment. Lame.

An hour and a half into their search and they'd come up with fuck all. The little bastard was nowhere to be seen.

Puck and Rachel were both absolutely chilled to the bone and his jeans were completely soaked from walking through the snow. He had started to lose the feeling in his hands and face and he needed to get somewhere warm before his dick fucking fell off.

"Rachel, come on," he said, his teeth chattering, "We need to get back indoors to warm up for a bit."

She looked like she wanted to argue with him but in the end she gave in and nodded in agreement. They trudged through the snow back to her house.

Puck didn't really like hot beverages or taking baths but that was all he could think about as they walked up to her front door. See, even his fantasies were unbelievably shit now. So he pictured Rachel in the bath with him to make him feel a bit more like a man.

"Mr Mistoffelees!" Rachel cried and pulled her hand from his as she ran to the door.

Puck scowled. Sure enough, the little fucker was sitting by the front door, licking his paws without a fucking care in the world.

Rachel scooped the fleabag into her arms and kissed his furry head. "Oh, Mist! I've been so worried about you. I'm so glad that you're safe." She kissed his head again and Puck could hear the cat purring in her embrace.

Puck wanted to kill him.

* * *

A/N and so Puck's suffering continues… I can't help it, it's too much fun.

Reviews are very much wanted and appreciated!

What do you guys think of the new season so far? I've really enjoyed it. Duets has been my fav episode of the season so far. The two week gaps are incredibly annoying though!

Anyway, until next time.

Lots of love,

Lil Drop of Magic

xXx


	6. Chapter Five

Disclaimer: I do not own the 'Glee' world.

A/N Huh, was not expecting to update this again next. Most of this _was_ written when I posted the last chapter but I was going to update Def Not a Flour Baby next. That one is being worked on but I'm finding it harder to get into it again. This story is silly and quite short so it's easier to just bang out.

Thanks for the reviews/alerts/favourites for this fic!

* * *

**Chapter Five**

"I'm very relieved that you're feeling better, Noah." Rachel said. He glanced away from the road and nodded at her.

"You too, Berry." He caught her smile before turning his eyes back to the wheel.

"You really should have borrowed a spare pair of trousers from one of my Dads instead of going home with those wet ones on; they wouldn't have minded." Rachel told him for the millionth time but he just shrugged. He totally would have changed his sodden, frozen jeans for some warm, dry ones (even if they had belonged to a homo) but Rachel had told him that her Dads would be home soon and Puck didn't _do_ meeting chicks' Dads. Especially when there were _two_ of them, so he'd bolted, freezing jeans and all.

He doubted that changing his pants would've stopped him from getting sick though. The next day he'd come down with a flu type thing. He'd had to take the rest of the week off school, which didn't particularly suck because it meant that he could just sleep, play on the Xbox and eat whatever he liked. He also didn't have to be Quinn's bitch for a few days which was fucking awesome and his Mom and his sister were actually nice to him for a change.

Rachel got sick too but she couldn't have been as bad as him because she said she only had a cold and she missed just one day of school. She popped round a couple of times and gave him soup and cookies (which didn't exactly help his sore throat but whatever, they tasted awesome) and she made sure he was taking medication. It was kinda weird that she was taking care of him but also kinda nice cos his mom was too busy with work and his sister was eight and didn't really know what she was doing. He was glad he'd decided to hook up with Rachel over any of the other chicks in school; he doubted whether any of them would bother trying to make him feel better (even if it was her cat's fault that he was ill in the first place). When she'd visited he'd considered trying to get her to make out with him but they were both coughing and sneezing a lot and the thought kinda grossed him out. Can you imagine if he'd sneezed into her mouth or vice versa? Like he said, fucking gross.

On the days when she hadn't come to see him they texted each other a lot. It wasn't sexting and it could only be called mild flirting at the most. She kept him entertained though and told him about the shit that was going on in school.

"Did the Olbas Oil I gave you help you to sleep better?" Rachel enquired.

"Yeah, I slept like an absolute baby last night, thanks, babe." He told her as he pulled the car over to park. "It smelt like lavender." Don't ask him how he knows the word lavender or what it smells like. He's not sure where that came from either.

"It was eucalyptus," Rachel corrected him. Oh, see, he didn't really know what shit he was talking about after all.

It had been a week since they'd gone trekking through the snow to look for Mist and Puck had resorted to somewhat desperate measures to make sure that the cat didn't ruin his time with Rachel again.

He'd taken Rachel back to his house.

It may sound stupid but this was a big fucking deal. He didn't _bring_ girls back to his house. Okay, so Rachel had already been there a couple of times but that was only because she'd promised to bring soup and cookies. And Quinn came over every now and then but that was different because she was preggo with his child and he wasn't trying to get it on with her anymore.

Rachel probably didn't realise that she was being treated as a special case and if she did then she didn't let on. And to be honest it wasn't anything about her personally (even if the crazy chick had grown on him recently) it was because he couldn't stand being around her cat. The only things he had to worry about here were his mom and sister but they wouldn't be back for a while because Abi had dance class.

Rachel grabbed her crap and jumped down from her seat and he followed suit so that she wasn't left standing in the cold.

"I'm glad that you agreed to partner me for our latest glee assignment, Noah. I think that we'll definitely combine to make the strongest pairing out of the whole group." Rachel told him as he unlocked the front door.

"Well, that's gonna be because of you, not me." Puck said, dutifully paying her singing voice a compliment. He wasn't stupid, he knew she totally digged the praise.

She smiled at him and shrugged. "While my vocal talent is obviously superior to yours, you shouldn't be dismissive of your own abilities, Noah. You have a good chance of living out a career in music, should you so choose." Honesty. That's what you got from Rachel Berry and he was actually quite grateful for it given most of the shit other teenaged girls spouted at him. But Rachel said he was a good singer and she didn't exactly give out compliments if you didn't deserve them so he felt pretty fucking good about himself.

He started walking up the stairs. "Come on, my guitar's in my room."

He was under no illusion that they would actually have to do some rehearsing of their song for glee rather than make out the entire time; Rachel took this glee shit ridiculously seriously but he knew how music got her hot so he figured that making out was bound to happen at some point that afternoon.

"I think that we should take it easy in our rehearsal today," Rachel told him as she took out the sheet music. "We're both still suffering slightly with the aftereffects of our illness and we shouldn't push ourselves too far. I hope you don't feel discouraged should we not sound as vocally excellent as we would under normal circumstances. I'm sure that when we perform this at the end of the week we will be back to our optimum."

Puck wasn't sure what she meant – it sounded like she was talking about _Transformers_, so he just grabbed his guitar and started testing out the chords in their song while Rachel warmed up her voice.

"I'm very glad that we picked this song, Noah." Rachel said when she'd deemed herself vocally warmed up. "Pete Shelley wrote this song after hearing the line, 'Have you ever fallen in love with someone you shouldn't have' from the musical _Guys and Dolls_. I love it when Broadway inspires new music, don't you?"

"Totally, babe." He was keeping her happy, remember? And it was almost cute that shit like that genuinely made her happy.

They practiced the different ways they could perform the song, dividing out the lyrics and testing out harmonies. Puck thought they sounded pretty good but he knew that they'd sound totally fucking awesome when they were completely better and had the back-up of the band in the choir room.

Rachel looked super sexy dancing and twirling around his room, giving him little smiles as she sang the song. He was enjoying singing with her but he hoped they'd stop soon so they could make out and stuff.

"You sounded amazing, Rach," he said when they'd finished their first full run through of the song. "We make an awesome pairing – our musical chemistry is like, off the fucking scale."

It seemed that she agreed with him because she practically pounced on him and started trying to kiss his face off. He only just had time to put his guitar on the ground before they fell on the bed together.

Puck seriously loved making out with Rachel (even if he'd yet to properly touch her boobs). He had no idea how long they kept this up but he relaxed at the knowledge that there was no way her devil-cat could fuck things up for him this time.

"_Noah! There's a kitty on our porch!_"

Puck pulled away at the sound of his sister screeching up the stairs. Woah, he must've been too busy with Rachel to notice that his Mom and Abi were back. _Shit_. He didn't particularly want them to meet each other like this, or at all really. He and Rachel were only hooking up – nothing serious was going on between them and he didn't want Rachel or his mom to get the wrong idea. He'd managed to schedule Rachel's visits so that she'd come round his house when his mom and sister were out. How the hell was he supposed to play this so that Rachel didn't get pissed if he had to say that she wasn't his girlfriend and so that his mom didn't freak that he was risking getting someone else pregnant with a random hookup?

And then his brain processed _what_ Abi had yelled and a feeling of dread and disbelief settled within him. There was no fucking way…

The sound of feet pounding on the stairs made him spring into action and he quickly climbed off the bed, giving Rachel a hand to get up. No sooner were they both on their feet then the door was flung open to reveal his stupid kid sister looking like she might wet herself, she was so excited.

"For fuck's sake, Abi, how many times do I have to tell you not to come into my room?" Puck growled at her but his sister's attention had been caught by the brunette standing next to him.

"Who are you?" Abi asked bluntly.

"None of your business, twerp," Puck said, moving forwards to push her out of the room.

"_Mom!_" Abi yelled and Puck nearly covered his ears because his sister had reached a pitch that was totally not good for people's hearing. "Noah's got a girl in his room!"

"Little brat," he spat at her before grabbing Rachel and heading downstairs to face his mom. But half way down he heard a sound that made him freeze.

_Mrroww._

Rachel gasped. "Mr Mistoffelees!" She hurried past him and Puck followed her stiffly to see that the impossible had happened:

Mr Mistoffelees was sat outside his front door.

His mom was holding the door open, looking bemused, even more so when she saw Rachel rush forward to retrieve her cat. "Mist what are you doing here?" Rachel asked, looking at the cat in shock. "What a clever boy for being able to track me this far away!"

His mother turned to him with a frown. "Do you want to tell me what's going on, Noah?"

"Er," he started but Rachel cut him off.

"I do apologise for not introducing myself, Mrs Puckerman; I'm Rachel Berry. Noah and I have been working on a song for glee club." His mom gave her an appraising look but Rachel carried on regardless. "And for some reason my cat has tracked me over here. Goodness knows how he's managed it – I doubt he's ever travelled this far before." Mist meowed and starting purring in her arms and Puck saw his mom's face soften.

"Did you say his name was Mist?" his mom asked and Puck figured that it would be best for him to sorta fade into the background. If Rachel and his mom had forgotten he was there then they couldn't yell at him for some reason or other.

Rachel nodded. "Yes, it's short for Mr Mistoffelees."

"Like from the musical?" his mom asked.

"What musical?" Abi enquired, elbowing Puck as she walked past to look at the cat. He would've retaliated because the little sneak totally fucking deserved it but he was still hoping he wouldn't get in trouble.

"It's called 'Cats' and it's by Andrew Lloyd Webber." Rachel told her.

"So is it about a load of cats?" Abi asked tentatively, putting a hand forward to stroke Mist.

Puck zoned them out because he didn't particularly want to listen to him mom and sister talk with Berry about fucking musicals. However, he did note that Mist was purring and fucking lapping up the attention they were giving him. It totally sucked.

His ears pricked up though when his mom said, "I'm sure I recognise you from somewhere, Rachel."

"Oh, it's probably from temple, Mrs Puckerman."

_Oh fuck_, Puck thought, seeing the look on him mom's face when she recognised the Jewish girl.

"Yes, that's definitely where I remember you from. How are your fathers, Rachel?"

His mom was looking entirely too happy but when the minutes ticked by and he still hadn't been shouted at he figured that as far as his mom was concerned, he wasn't in a load of shit. Perhaps him hooking up with Jewish girls was okay with his mom? That theory definitely needed to be tested (cos then he could tell his mom he was with a Jewish girl even when he wasn't and she wouldn't hate his guts for it.). Or maybe his mom was buying all the glee stuff Rahel was telling her – yes, they had been practising 'Ever Fallen in Love' but it wasn't _all_ that they had been doing…

His eyes turned to the fleabag being worshipped by Rachel, Abi and his mom. He still couldn't believe that that cat had managed to find his house. It was fucking ridiculous! He lived at least a mile from Rachel's house and that was a long way for a cat to go. And it would've had to cross a load of roads. The stupid thing was lucky it hadn't got hit by a car. Damn it.

It looked like bringing Rachel round to his house wasn't going to get him away from Mist after all. Normally that would piss him the hell off and if it happened again he'd want to give that fucking cat a piece of his mind. But he couldn't help but notice that he hadn't been shouted at, like at all, and he was pretty sure that if Mist hadn't been here then his mom would've been _so_ pissed to discover a chick in his room that she wouldn't have let Rachel hang around to find out that she was Jewish. And, you know, his mom would've legit killed him.

So, this time (and this time _only_) he was going to let the furball off and not hate the living guts out of him.

Tomorrow, the war would recommence.

* * *

A/N The song that Puck and Rachel are preparing for glee is 'Ever Fallen in Love (With Someone You Shouldn't've' originally by Buzzcocks but I know it best from the Shrek 2 soundtrack!

The Olbas Oil is something my mum always recommends I put on a tissue under my pillow for when I have a cold. I thought it smelt like lavender but my mum says it eucalyptus, so obviously I don't have a very keen sense of smell!

I was very relieved that we got new glee again – it felt like way longer than two weeks since the last one.

Anyway, I'm rambling now. Please let me know what you thought of the chapter!

Lots of love,

Lil Drop of Magic

xXx


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